Wednesday, July 22, 2015

On Safe Mornings

image from "She Reads Truth"

Mornings are really hectic for me. Even on the days that I try to have everything prepared the night before - i.e. last night - I still can't seem to get it all together in time and make it out the door by my goal of 7:20. Even when I am prepared the babies end up being difficult. Gavin is in this full-on whiny stage and we've done everything to try and nip that. Answering/Acknowledging him immediately, distractions, time-outs, spankings. He's still a 2 year old and maybe it's the new sibling thing but It Wears Me Out. Oh the whining. 

When it's 7:10 and he hasn't eaten breakfast and he's throwing a fit about what shirt to wear I lose it. I am sinful and dark and I lose it. And i become a 2 year old. I slam cabinet doors. I sharply respond to his needs. This morning I heard him start the typical whine "uhhhh, uhhhh" and I replied with WHAT GAVIN. And his eyes fell and his little chin quivered and I felt it. 

First the guilt. The weight of our sin. The I'm not a good mom. The I hurt my child. The how can I do this. The frustration with now I'm going to be even later.

So thankfully I felt something else next. The joy in my failings and shortcomings. Jesus is sufficient to bear my sin and has covered it. 

I hugged my son and asked him to forgive me. That mama was so sorry for shouting. Then I asked if he would pray with me. And he held my hand as I asked forgiveness and more patience and more tenderness and a clean heart.  And every morning is a challenge. That's just how it is right now. It's hectic and babies are unpredictable and sometimes Holland nurses forever and sometimes what I pick out to wear gets spit up on and I have to change and sometimes Gavin can't pick out a shirt or breakfast or he wants me to carry him downstairs and it's hard and it's frustrating and I feel torn between caring for my family in the way that they need and getting to work on time. And I want to quit and I want to slam doors.  But my constant prayer is a clean heart. And I know that God is helping and going to continue to help me. I'm never going to be perfectly patient but I can always fall at the feet of Jesus for forgiveness and He gives grace. And I can teach my children that there is the sweetest place and the most welcoming place for sinners like me. 

Monday, July 20, 2015

Stitch Fix Review II

I got my third (the second was not good at all) stitch fix box and it was so fun! They listened to my style pin board - helllllo stripes - and sent summer friendly clothes. So I had fun on Sunday while both - hear me - both babies napped.  hashtag weekend goals hashtag life goals. So, without further ado, here's what they sent.

First item up, a stripey tank. Which is great, cotton, navy/white, pocket with no real purpose. It's a great tank, but not one that I'm sure I am willing to spend that much on. 
headband: Anthropologie (similar),  jeans: Gap (similar), shoes: Target (found here
Next up is a fun little dress. It's comfy and breezy and definitely brighter than anything that I own but it's kind of boxy. Nathan liked it, but looking at pictures now, I don't know that it's flattering. And I'm not into the cut of the bottom half. I'd much rather have a straight hem. 
The necklace is also a Stitchfix. 

Shoes: Anthropologie (old) / hat: TJ MAXX (similar)

My favorite item was this great striped skirt. Every box the stylist sends a cute card showing suggestions for how to style your item. I took the advice of the card and added a chambray button down and some ankle boots. 

Chambray: Target (similar - in my dreams) / Boots: Target (similar)

lastly they sent this crochet tank. I honestly had no idea what to do with it. Even with the styling card I couldn't make it work. 
Tan tank: Old Navy (similar) / Maxi Skirt: Target (here) / Sandals: Target (link above)

So, in conclusion, I am thinking of keeping the skirt. And that's probably it. Then taking a Stitchfix hiatus for a while. It's fun, maybe again for fall.

Saturday, July 18, 2015


Lately, I've been treasuring a lot of moments like this one. Gavin comes along to Holland "I cuddle baby sister!" lays on her with his whole giant toddler head and grins. Then he'll pat her a few times on the chest and be on about his trucks/trains/cars.

Lately, I've been really trying to read the Bible everyday. I started off strong with the whole chronological reading plan, but it's over halfway through the year and I'm in Numbers, so...

Lately, I've noticed my wardrobe shifting to neutrals: navy, black, white, and stripes. And nothing else. I feel so me.

Lately, I've been wearing a sunhat everywhere.

Lately, I've realized that as a mom the purse has become obsolete. Wallet in the diaper bag you go.

Lately, we've been watching Nemo and Mickey Mouse but then Thomas and Nemo and Nemo and Dude Crush!

Lately, I've been really proud and inspired by my husbands perseverance and determination to become healthier. While eating cookies...

Lately, I binge watched Hell on Wheels season 4. Am I the only person who watches this. The internet is all, "OITNB" and I really could care less. Give me Cullen Bohannon!

Lately, I've been anxiously watching a probably brown recluse bite heal. The internet makes it seem a lot worse than it was. Still, should we burn down the house?

Lately, I've been praying for a lot of babies. Why does the internet have to share such heartbreaking stories. This is one news avenue that I'd rather remain ignorant about. I have several friends with sick children. Actually sick children. And then the stories of unwanted babies. Seriously, bring me all the unwanted babies. I will love them all for you.

Lately, we've been missing Dillan. I tried taking the blanket out of his chair and Gavin lost it saying "No! Boof's chair! No mama!" but he didn't realize that there is not boof to go into the chair. We do miss him. 

It's funny how the more you write them things open up. Thanks internet for being my digital diary. You're special to me. 


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