A small goal

Last week "A Beautiful Mess" blog announced that they were having a sale on their e-courses so I jumped at the chance to buy their blog design and coding course. 

I've never really been happy with this little design here, but I've done a few different headers and occasionally changed something layout related, but overall I've always wanted some,thing more. I have a pretty good knowledge of Photoshop and illustrator and a little web coding knowledge so I know that I can get the look I want if I just take the time to invest in it. 

So I spent the $25 to learn a little, and to hope that spending a little money might make me more accountable to take the time to work on this little blogs design. 

Right now I'm in Step 1, which I like to call "pin all the pretty things". I think if you check out the pin board you'll find that I have a special liking for Kelly green and nature photos. 

Anyway, my second blogiversary is coming up in a few weeks so I'm going to see if I can maybe launch a new design around then.

Then, I really want to take blogging more seriously, start some weekly series I'm already scheming about and maybe start advertising and growing some readers. The whole thing makes me feel giddy, which I think means I should most definitely do it!

Yay! 

My Daily Project

I know it's a cliche, but time is going by really quickly.  Gavin learns new things and develops so fast that I can't keep track. 

When did he first coo?

When did he first smile at me?

For whatever reason, these developments have become very special to me, and I want to keep track. 

Before baby corner became baby corner, it was Michelle's corner. I had a little office set up complete with wall calendar. As baby corner developed, I left the calendar on the wall, knowing that I'd think of some use for it. 

So a couple of weeks ago, I decided to really devote myself to keeping track of those memories and started writing down a memory from each day.  It doesn't have to be anything monumental. Sometimes it's "we had a great conversation tonight" or "you were so fussy tonight!". Sometimes it's "you laughed for the first time at dad!" or "you kicked in the bathtub!"

It's my own way of "slowing" time. But also, of seeing growth. It's become one of my favorite parts of the day. I'll put you down to sleep and immediately start deciding on what to put down as our memory for the day. 

I don't know how long I'll keep it up, hopefully for a while. Even on nights (such as the last one) when Gavin doesn't want to take that last nap, or when it seems like all I do is nurse him for the last 3 hours of my day, the 20 seconds it takes write a memory centers me. It brings me back to how rewarding and refining being a parent really is. 

In my defense...

"In your defense, you had a lot going on."

This is what my mom told me after I emoji cried via text message to her the other day over not taking any photos of Nathan, Gavin, and myself all together at the hospital the day Gavin was born.

I'd just seen a beautiful new family of 3 photo over Facebook, which made me think, "hey, wait a second! I didn't think to do that!" Even after reading and pinning various "don't forget to do these things" posts, I neglected to capture that moment. That moment where we became three.

There are photos of me with the new mom exhaustion look, and Nathan with the new dad elation look. And I know I should be happy to have caught at least that. I know we're a family. And I'll never forget our first minutes in the OR where we became parents. Nathan was so proud that he was "blowing bubbles already" and I was so relieved he was crying so strong and so loud. And words will never describe my feeling when they laid him on my chest and he instantly went silent, recognizing my heartbeat.

The good news is there's still time. We can still capture the three of us. 

We are a family.

whether there's proof or not.

Ready to Change

I know I shouldn't talk about it.

No one wants to read about politics and wars when they're used to seeing squishy baby photos.

But I can't help put feel pulled to the biggest topic at hand.

Syria.  To war or not? Or does anyone else realize that this would be a war?

That's the thing. I don't know. Would America's role be warlike? Would there be soldiers? How many? on the ground or in the air? Does it matter?

All of these questions and I feel like I can't find the answers. Newscasters and public figures are asking me to call my representatives and make sure they know we don't want any part of it. Activists and humanitarians telling me it's my duty to protect the innocent.

I'm sort of the pacifist of my family. I'm not a gun rights supporter, but I'm certainly not anti-gun.  I think that God has said over and over that he alone serves justice and vengeance, so perhaps I never should...

But I'm tired of being uninformed. I'm tired of being told what my stance should be, and furthermore, being scrutinized for it. 

So this is my answer. I'm neutral for the moment. But I may not be for long. The internet is immediately available, as are notable resources. I can make an informed decision, and so can you.

I guess what I'm saying is that we are a generation that can make a difference. Missing persons are found through social media. We ban together for a good cause. We can learn anything and try everything we want to. Why not use our time to create. Why not use our time to educate and inform.

I'm not great at this. I have been watching Breaking Bad on netflix for the past 2 weeks (that walter white is cray...) But I want to know. I don't want to shrug anymore. I don't want to let anyone decide for me. I have no intention of blabbing to the world my opinions just for recognition and debate. This is strictly personal.

I just wanted to share that I've had a bit of a change of heart.

I feel lazy, and even justified in that laziness because heck, I work all day and then nurse a baby for basically 2 straight hours and then it's time to clean and pack lunch and pack the diaper bag and shower and actually take advantage of the next (probably 4 hours) before I wake up again by sleeping for a bit. But as I was listening to npr (old person alert) this morning, I realized that I couldn't take a side because I don't have the information. 

I want the information.

So yeah. thanks little internet nook of mine. always the sounding board that you are.

Milestone #3

From what I've read, babies develop along a series of "milestones". A list of baby's first and thus a list of things for parents to worry about.

According to "baby connect" the first of these is being born. Check. Gold star.

The second is smiles. Gavin smiled in his sleep very early on, but his first legitimate small was recorded around 8 weeks. Since then he hasn't held any back and they are usually accompanied by a long conversation full of oooos aohhhhs and agooos.

The third milestone I added myself. Laughter. C'mon parents, these smiles are great, and these conversations are so sweet to my soul. Literally full of all the good things in life leaving me in a big puddle on the floor kind of thing.  But laughter. Laughter is when we really start talking. When I know that not only am I interesting, but gosh I'm funny! 

It's hard to commit to when baby makes these milestones. Part of me thinks, is it a fluke? Maybe I should wait a while just to be sure. But I'm not gonna let it get reduced to my own control and insecurity. 

Gavin laughed. Somehow, for some reason he thought that dad and I were funny during bath time. We were just talking to him. Telling him about how great baths are, because he usually disagrees, and suddenly this joyous sound erupted out of him. 

"Was that a laugh little man?" We both exclaimed! Yes, I think it was.

So here's to you milestone #3. We love you and can't wait to hear more.

Dear Gavin,

Baby boy, you are 8 weeks old today.  It takes me by complete surprise when I look down at you and see how much you've grown in just 2 short months. Sometimes I find myself looking through all our photos of you and lingering on your newborn ones the most. I guess I've earned my "real mom" status because you are growing up too fast!

But I am simultaneously so excited to keep discovering the man you'll become. Some people can name personalities in their baby as soon as they're here, but I think you're keeping it hidden. You can play on your own, and must be very patient as your rookie parents try to figure this out.

So thanks for being patient little Gavin. You are so loved.

I met Maddie

Because I spend quite a bit of time refining my tumblr page with reblogs from people who have far better taste than I do, I've known about "Maddie on Things" for a while now.

If you don't know of Maddie, she is a charming coonhound, who was adopted by Theron, and now earns her greenies by being extremely well balanced and having way more self control than Dillan ever could.

I follow Theron (@thiswildidea) on instagram and was really excited when I saw an announcement there that he and Maddie would be at Parnassus Books, I really had to go see her for myself.

When I arrived, the place was packed out, but I snuck into line where I purchased their perfect coffee table book with some birthday money, and waited in a looong line to meet Theron and Maddie.

Maddie scampered back and forth throughout the shop, not really wanting anything to do with most people, or would take a break in a leather chair. I did get a sweeping backstroke in as she trotted by at one point!

When I finally got to the signing table, I had no idea what to say... My inner dialog said something like this,

"Um Hi, would you sign your book...?"

Thankfully, Theron saved me from such inevitable awkwardness by asking my name and where I'm at in life. - what a great line!

Luckily, little Gavi gave me a perfect answer, "Well I just became a mom".

I then sheepishly brought up Dillan (like every other dog owner in the store) and dug out the ole' phone to show a picture of my beloved dog (yes, we still love you dillan!) Then we awkward posed!

Holy Cow, 7 weeks!

I can't believe little man is 7 weeks old today!

I've tried to keep up with taking a photo of him every week to keep track of his growth - but I think I've missed a few times.

Anywho - here's what I've got so far!

Ahh! so little!! Technicially this is when we left the hospital so he was really about 3 days old, but this is at his teeny tiniest!

Wearing shorts! 3 weeks old! Still in tiny newborn onesies, but that belly was starting to fill out :)

4 weeks old! Gettin super active exercise time.

5 weeks! We graduated to 0-3 month onesies and went outside to celebreate. Just a great face! He loved laying outside that day.

And 7 weeks old today buddy! We got those terrible 2 month vaccinations, and buddy boy has been feeling it ever since. In - con - sol - a - ble. But he looked great and was following those growth charts to a "T".

If you want to follow along weekly, follow my instagram @mpmerrick and hashtag project #weeklygavin