Gavin Turns 3!

Last weekend, Gavin turned three whole years old and simultaneously morphed into a little boy overnight.  I want to do the proverbial mom "stop growing up" speech, but I LOVE this age. He is fun, and funny, and independent but dependent. He has an imagination about good and scary things, but that's okay because he's a super hero and he punches the scaries in the face!

Here's a few photos from our big boy's special day. We keep it pretty low key over here, especially since "mom-mom" can't send out party invites until 5 days before. We took snacks and cupcakes to a park and played for a few hours, aka until forgetting to take a potty break caught up with us.

Gavin's big boy current list of favorites:

- Saying he's a big boy
- Doing all things "my self!"
- Slides and swings
- Dino-trucks
- Kung Fu Panda
- Actually any movie or show
- jumping
- checking/watering our plants
- cereal and milk
- "Swammiches", any apple squeeze pouch, yogurt, and cheese stick for lunches
- Fried Rice
- Loving on baby sister
- Playing Super heroes
- Wrestling with Dada
- helping with any chore


Gavin your a joy to everyone around you and have the sweetest most tender heart. You're growing up so fast and I can't wait to know you as a 3 year old! We love you so much!

A Big Puddle

A few weeks ago, back in the middle of July, we needed a break. So we packed up the car babies and all and took a should be 8 hour car trip down to LA (lower alabama). It took us about 12 hours to finally arrive to "The Getaway", and crying baby and all it was so worth it. 

We stayed Nathan's relative's getaway home. No internet, No TV. It is adorable and has an incredible screened in porch that I never did get to enjoy because - mosquitoes - but maybe next time. 

The first morning Nathan and Holland were still sleeping when Gavin woke up. So we put on our shoes and ran outside to have a look at the view of the bay. Gavin ran outside and exclaimed "A Big Puddle Mama!" And I said Yeah buddy! that's exactly what that is a really big puddle! It amazes me how his small vocabulary still manages to create a term for everything. :)

Our view was incredible and next time we are stopping to look at some amazing sunsets. I missed an amazing one our last night there while I was nursing Holland. I could see the sky through the window and the water turning bright orange and pink as the sun sank.

We braved down to Gulf Shores on day 1.  After only experiencing Myrtle Beach growing up this was such a treat. Way fewer crowds. I slathered us all up real good and kept Holland under a UV protected tent which was by the way a major pain to tear down. Thanks Nathan for trooping for that. And the random guy on the beach who offered to help!

Gavin loved the sand / beach / water / shobles!  He still talks about it every day. Mama, the beach! did you have fun at the beach? Shobles! Nemo! Fish swimming water! 

Day 2 we went to Orange Beach instead which was a little further from us but much nicer. There were flies all over the Gulf shores beach and I got bitten several times - which is why Holland is covered with a towel in one of the pictures. Day 2 is also when I put Gavin in a muscle tank instead of his rash guard and he got a little bit pink. So day 3 we wandered the cute little town of Fairhope, AL. 

While discovering Fairhope we walked out a long pier and noticed there was a little beach right on the bay, so Day 4 we went there instead. It saved probably 45 minutes of driving time and was still pretty good. The sand there was much coarser and there was a lot of debris from the bay washing ashore. But we could still build castles!

You can see Nathan and Gavin had the sweetest time. They really did bond a lot that week. Daddy time is so fun!

Later that night we tried to get a timed family photo. We all got squirted with bug spray (I use this one for the babies). I set my camera to timer and perched it on the stairs of our neighbors (who weren't at home). They have an epic dock btw.

It's not perfect, and not really in focus, but it's just right. And after only about 10 tries!  

Lately

Lately, I've been treasuring a lot of moments like this one. Gavin comes along to Holland "I cuddle baby sister!" lays on her with his whole giant toddler head and grins. Then he'll pat her a few times on the chest and be on about his trucks/trains/cars.

Lately, I've been really trying to read the Bible everyday. I started off strong with the whole chronological reading plan, but it's over halfway through the year and I'm in Numbers, so...

Lately, I've noticed my wardrobe shifting to neutrals: navy, black, white, and stripes. And nothing else. I feel so me.

Lately, I've been wearing a sunhat everywhere.

Lately, I've realized that as a mom the purse has become obsolete. Wallet in the diaper bag you go.

Lately, we've been watching Nemo and Mickey Mouse but then Thomas and Nemo and Nemo and Dude Crush!

Lately, I've been really proud and inspired by my husbands perseverance and determination to become healthier. While eating cookies...

Lately, I binge watched Hell on Wheels season 4. Am I the only person who watches this. The internet is all, "OITNB" and I really could care less. Give me Cullen Bohannon!

Lately, I've been anxiously watching a probably brown recluse bite heal. The internet makes it seem a lot worse than it was. Still, should we burn down the house?

Lately, I've been praying for a lot of babies. Why does the internet have to share such heartbreaking stories. This is one news avenue that I'd rather remain ignorant about. I have several friends with sick children. Actually sick children. And then the stories of unwanted babies. Seriously, bring me all the unwanted babies. I will love them all for you.

Lately, we've been missing Dillan. I tried taking the blanket out of his chair and Gavin lost it saying "No! Boof's chair! No mama!" but he didn't realize that there is not boof to go into the chair. We do miss him. 

It's funny how the more you write them things open up. Thanks internet for being my digital diary. You're special to me. 

From the Weekend

Our weekends are when we spend the most time and the most quality time together. It's also the time I scroll most. Here are some pics from the weekend and some links to some things. Take that description!

We went down to Franklin to the Touch-A-Truck event to touch some trucks with Gavin. He was more than overwhelmed. Not much touching, or sitting, or honking occurred in the first 30 minutes. Just too much to see. Finally he warmed up when we got to the police car. 
"Gavin, do you want to sit in the police car?" "uh-huh". Okay buddy.

In other news...

I finished season 3 of The West Wing on Netflix and Aaron Sorkin is a punk. When will CJ find happiness???  Or Josh, Or Leo, Or Donna, Or Sam, Or Toby...

I received my first Stitch Fix on Saturday and am working on a review.

Gavin turns 2, two, TWO,  on Friday. He's too grown up.

I read this article with great interest and admit that while in the ER a few months ago I paused an watched Thomas because there just wasn't anything else on.

John Oliver NAILED IT

JENI'S  opens back up on Friday. But my ice-cream game has been pretty on fleek lately. 

Also - how to know if you're using "on fleek" correctly! I honestly have no idea if I am...

These Tacos look super delicious.

Now I'll never get into any of these places.  But they will stay on my list forever then.

Finally, Happy Monday

Happy Birthday Mom!

card source is from Rifle Paper Co, found here

Happy Birthday to my wonderful mom and Mimi to my babies. We all love you so much and are so thankful for you!  Bring back your magic Mimi sleeping dust anytime :)

And a happy birthday to her twinner, Uncle David too :)

Holland Paige Merrick

In the midst of all the radio silence we had another baby. Surprise internets! On March 5th we welcomed baby Holland into the world.  As cheesy as it sounds I really do feel like our family is complete. She brings so much joy and greatfulness to our lives. We are really blessed.

On Pride

Gavin officially turned 14 months two days ago. And he's still not walking. Sure he can climb up the stairs himself. He'll push along his walker and cruise down the sofa. He will even humor me by walking holding my hands for a few steps. Then he lifts his feet and whines until he's placed back onto his bottom. 

And I am so frustrated by this.

We've talked about comparison.

And how I'm going to seek joy instead.

But when all the 10 month olds around you are up and walking. It's hard. I go to a place of comparison. Of doubt. Of fear. "Is my baby okay?" "Is he normal?" And while deep down I know he is, I let Satan put me into this dark place. And even place blame onto my son! "Why is he doing this to meeeee???"

And I wonder why he's so dramatic...

But really, what is there to be afraid of. 

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

Wait...Be thankful. Right. 

He will walk, and one day soon. And while I might secretly roll my eyes at all the parents who try to tell me I'll wish he was still just crawling, I can find joy in the moment.  That he loves crawling a few steps and twisting around with a giggle to see if we're chasing him yet. That he makes yummy "mmm" sounds when he's eating something he really loves (read: hot dog). That he climbs up onto me and gives the largest wettest kiss (read: blows raspberry) on my face or neck.  These are the moments.

July the 4th

I was off work for Independence day, but Gavin didn't get the memo. We woke up around the usual 7 and fiddled around until about 9 when I had the genius idea to google "nashville fourth of july things to do". And up popped the hot chicken festival.

So if you've ever visited Nashville or if you live in Nashville then you know that hot chicken is totally a thing here. It's our (can I say our?) thing! I think it's more or less chicken smothered in hot sauce, then deep fried with a spicy breading. And we don't serve it here with ranch or blue cheese dressing. We eat it with a side of jalapeno mac'n'cheese!

Needless to say, Gavin and I went for something a little less spicy, but hot nonetheless. Because it was a fire truck parade!

Selfie attemps!

Reflection selfies are a thing!

Sharing a snow cone with mama!

Then we got sleepy and needed some real lunch, so we packed up and picked up dada! Then we found ourselves a park.

And then sometimes they just melt into you, and you along with them, and you just think, gosh, how could i love this kid anymore and then you do.

1

I almost cannot believe it, but one month and 4 days ago Gavin turned 1. A whole one year old. The biggest milestone he's made so far.  Doctors would say that we're in the clear for SIDS - which was my #1 fear the first few days of his life. And he can drink whole milk! Which he does - with much gusto. In fact, anything and everything goes as far as food is concerned, but we're sticking the classics.  

A few days before the official big day, we headed to east TN for a Resolute show and invited a few close friends and family over for an afternoon party. It was nothing fancy. Just a little bbq, silly string and giant party hats. And cake - let's talk about the cake.

I splurged on the cake and went to Cootie brown's for a dreamsicle cake that was amazing. And honestly, just really nice to look at. Also - isn't the cake a little bit mostly for the parents? Right? Especially if you're not also having margaritas? Right...?

My nieces were there and we "buck bucked" at the chickens and "buzz buzzed" at the bees. We played ping pong and took turns passing around the birthday boy. 

And in the back of my mind I thought about that last year. About the trials and the joys. About how much of an adjustment it was for me.  Physically I had to take so much time to heal and then mentally too. My mind went into a dark place and it affected my work and my relationships. About how much joy and pride I took in my son. I've taught him things. He clings to me and I truly can't ever get enough of it. Slowly over this first year of his, I became more and more perfectly his mama. 

Because I love the ideas of writing down your child's favorites every year, here are his:

Gavin: Age 1

favorite song: the theme to Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood and Apples and Bananas

favorite toy: Balls! All the balls!

favorite person: mama ;)

favorite foods: Cheerios, bananas, squeeze pouches, and Hot Dogs!

words he knows: Buff (for Dillan), Ball, Duck, Boing, DaDa, Vroom, Boom (when he gives high fives), Bye-bye, Shoes

favorite book: Brown Bear Brown Bear, What do you See?

Bed Time: 7:30 ish til 7:30ish am (Hallelujah!)

Learning how to walk but still needs both hands held

Wearing 18mo clothes and size 3 shoes - apparently he has bitty feet. 

maybe my favorite photo ever.

Our Sleeping Story

Gavin has never been a great sleeper.

If you've been reading here for a while, or if you've ever talked to me in person - you know this. I've been tired for almost a year. I've learned to live on few hour increments of sleep. But even that wasn't the worst part. I think that comes with the parenting territory, ya know? Babies don't sleep long and what not...

But that wasn't Gavin's only "problem". He was colicky. So for, yeesh, how long? Maybe 2-3 months he would scream for several hours every night. It's funny that I really can't remember how horrific it was actually - only that at one point I remember thinking, "this is horrific". 

After that, Gavin's sleep crutch was nursing. Tugging away until he'd pass out and then I'd make the highly skilled magical transfer to the crib. And this worked out really great, until he grew too big for a swaddler. 

We'd have a mostly rough nights with a few good ones so I partly felt like it would eventually work itself out. That somehow, Gavin would learn and become a "magic" baby that everyone on Facebook seems to have and I could get on with my life and stop running into walls and what-not. 

But that didn't happen, and after encouragement from friends and extensive online research, we decided to cry it out. This was probably around 6 months. And yes, it was the only way we could get him to sleep. He wouldn't rock, he wouldn't nurse anymore, he would cry in the swing, he'd cry regardless, so he may as well cry in his crib.

And it was hard. I shut down. Like a lot of anti-CIO postings I found online, it goes against that "maternal instinct" that is commanding you to go pick up that baby of yours. So I scrolled through pinterest for hours at a time, the "mood" timer on my BabyConnect app reminding me every 15 minutes to go and comfort him. At which he would get even angrier because mama would not pick him up like he wanted. And eventually he'd fall asleep - and he'd actually sleep. There were nights we got up to 10 straight hours. And then I became superwoman. But there were nights we got 5 too... 

Gavin went from crying for 45 minutes to only whining for 5 before sleep and now he doesn't make a peep when I lay him down at night.  He's currently teething 4 top teeth, so his sleep isn't great, but he's not usually screaming when he lays back down. 

There are nights when we back track. He has mental leaps, and he has sore gums, and he has new tummy feelings from trying new foods, but he knows his routine, and he knows that mama means business when she lays him down, so these episodes aren't near what they were when we started.

I'm not advocating that CIO is absolutely the solution for everyone. But was the best for Gavin. I think that's what being a parent is all about. We absolutely know what is best for our own individual children and ourselves. I tried cosleeping with Gavin but side-nursing made my back hurt something terrible and I didn't get any rest because Gavin wanted to snack every hour or so.  

So, here are my 5 tips for Crying It Out:

1.  Start a routine. For probably 5 months we've done the exact same thing every night at the same time. Gavin eats, takes a bath, gets a lotion massage before jammies, we pick up the toys taken out throughout the day, read a couple books, pray with Daddy, and nurse. Of course we've strayed from this a few times to go out etc., but overall this is our routine.

2. Find a happy place.  Y'all a six month old has a super developed set of vocal cords. Gavin's screams are somehow the loudest thing I've ever experienced.  My happy place was pinterest and tumblr sitting on our bed with the door closed. Our rooms are right across from each other so I had no issue hearing him. I could mindlessly scroll and be able to listen to Gavin. 

3. Know your baby.  Well duh, I know that you all know your babies, but listen for his cries. I know when Gavin is screaming because he's angry, and I know when something is wrong.  One night Gavin woke at about 5 am with a cry that sounded terrified - not at all like his upset I just woke up whine. Usually I kind of take my time going to him to give him an opportunity to quiet back to sleep but I didn't waste any time going to him that morning and sure enough, he had thrown up from a little stomach bug that we didn't know he had.

4. Stick to your guns.  My friend encouraged us to start CIO when Gavin was around 5 months. And we did - but it was hard. And often times Nathan or I would give in and go pick up the little guy. Had we really stuck to it he might have been better at putting himself to sleep sooner. And if it only took mom or dad 15 minutes to go pick the baby up - baby knows to cry for at least that long and longer next time...

5. You're doing a great job.  That's all. Parenting is hard and you're doing great.

Gavi's first snow!

This morning Gavin slept until a blissful 8:30 am. When he awoke, I went in, nursed, and set him down on the changing table to, well, you know, and I pulled open his shade so that he could see up at the sky.  When the shade lifted up I literally gasped.

Thick, chunky flakes of snow were falling and the ground had an even coating over it. The road had splotches of white and wet and I knew I had to get outside in it. It has seemed that there's been an excessive amount of snow across the country, everywhere but middle tennessee. Just a couple hours north, east, west and even south (I'm looking at you Atlanta) have had huge snowfalls by comparison.  And I've been a teensy bit jealous.

I zipped Gavin up in his bear suit, pj's and all, and set up my tripod outside. 

It was a total trial and error with the camera auto-focus and timer, hello focused fence posts, but it's documented. The chunk's unamused faces and all!

Then I tried to get a few of him tossed up in the air - because usually, he loves that. And I thought of man if I could capture the joy in those little squishy features I will have succeeded in life. But look at that face...

So unamused! Even out of focused he's just like, "Mom...Mom, calm yourself..."

So I stuck him in the snow and thought, now the magic will really happen. And it did.

Oh chunkums, you're such a great sport!

The sweatshirt of my life

Y'all, this sweatshirt is the story of my life.

After 25 weeks of having a baby I had 9 blissful nights of full 9 hours of sleep. I was elated. I was energized. I was inebriated...slightly... Because I thought, heck I can have a beer again!

Then we hit 6 months, and another growth spurt. Sigh. Then we went on a little thanksgiving vacation. Schedule shot. Then Gavin started daycare. World flipped upside down. So I'm getting up twice a night again and feel dizzy for the better part of my day. And I feel my life will never be the same.

And the truth is, it won't. For the next 10+ years maybe I'll be woken by my son. There will be months when he's independent. Then he'll move to a bed from which he can get in and out of. Then he'll experience his first bad dream, and I'll be the one who will make him feel safe. But, he won't need me forever. I certainly won't be able to hold him for much longer and the day will come when I can't kiss him at home, much less in public. 

So I'm trying to take it in. Savor tonight's like this one when it's 10:30 and he hasn't slept in 4 hours. But he's making that sweet face and talking to me up a storm. Nights like this one where I could have sworn it was only a little after 9. Relish that even though he was sitting with dad, all he wanted was to look at and go to his mama.

You guys, today I am so tired. I probably will be tomorrow too, and many days to come.  But I'm so grateful that these tired days are filled with this squishy chunky giggling boy. 

Sweatshirt from hello apparel. 

In my defense...

"In your defense, you had a lot going on."

This is what my mom told me after I emoji cried via text message to her the other day over not taking any photos of Nathan, Gavin, and myself all together at the hospital the day Gavin was born.

I'd just seen a beautiful new family of 3 photo over Facebook, which made me think, "hey, wait a second! I didn't think to do that!" Even after reading and pinning various "don't forget to do these things" posts, I neglected to capture that moment. That moment where we became three.

There are photos of me with the new mom exhaustion look, and Nathan with the new dad elation look. And I know I should be happy to have caught at least that. I know we're a family. And I'll never forget our first minutes in the OR where we became parents. Nathan was so proud that he was "blowing bubbles already" and I was so relieved he was crying so strong and so loud. And words will never describe my feeling when they laid him on my chest and he instantly went silent, recognizing my heartbeat.

The good news is there's still time. We can still capture the three of us. 

We are a family.

whether there's proof or not.

Holy Cow, 7 weeks!

I can't believe little man is 7 weeks old today!

I've tried to keep up with taking a photo of him every week to keep track of his growth - but I think I've missed a few times.

Anywho - here's what I've got so far!

Ahh! so little!! Technicially this is when we left the hospital so he was really about 3 days old, but this is at his teeny tiniest!

Wearing shorts! 3 weeks old! Still in tiny newborn onesies, but that belly was starting to fill out :)

4 weeks old! Gettin super active exercise time.

5 weeks! We graduated to 0-3 month onesies and went outside to celebreate. Just a great face! He loved laying outside that day.

And 7 weeks old today buddy! We got those terrible 2 month vaccinations, and buddy boy has been feeling it ever since. In - con - sol - a - ble. But he looked great and was following those growth charts to a "T".

If you want to follow along weekly, follow my instagram @mpmerrick and hashtag project #weeklygavin