A book, what's that?

You guys. I read a book. Like a real book with no pictures (actually there were some pictures - but they were historical!). I don't know the last time that I'd actually sit down and read a book for pleasure.

It all started back on this vacation where we had zero access to the outside world. Inside this magical place was a shelf, with books. I think I spent probably 15 minutes staring at the titles waiting for one to jump out at me.

Ken Follett - hey I've heard of that guy. "On Wings of Eagles"? Could be promising...And it was. Based on the story of two Americans imprisioned in Iran for no reason right before and then during the Iran revolution in early 1979. And even though it was basically an opportunity for Ross Perot to make a case for himself as a presidential candidate, it was an enjoyable read. Intrigue, drama, no romance, history. 

I wouldn't say I highly recommend it, but sure. I enjoyed it.

What are you reading this weekend?

A Big Puddle

A few weeks ago, back in the middle of July, we needed a break. So we packed up the car babies and all and took a should be 8 hour car trip down to LA (lower alabama). It took us about 12 hours to finally arrive to "The Getaway", and crying baby and all it was so worth it. 

We stayed Nathan's relative's getaway home. No internet, No TV. It is adorable and has an incredible screened in porch that I never did get to enjoy because - mosquitoes - but maybe next time. 

The first morning Nathan and Holland were still sleeping when Gavin woke up. So we put on our shoes and ran outside to have a look at the view of the bay. Gavin ran outside and exclaimed "A Big Puddle Mama!" And I said Yeah buddy! that's exactly what that is a really big puddle! It amazes me how his small vocabulary still manages to create a term for everything. :)

Our view was incredible and next time we are stopping to look at some amazing sunsets. I missed an amazing one our last night there while I was nursing Holland. I could see the sky through the window and the water turning bright orange and pink as the sun sank.

We braved down to Gulf Shores on day 1.  After only experiencing Myrtle Beach growing up this was such a treat. Way fewer crowds. I slathered us all up real good and kept Holland under a UV protected tent which was by the way a major pain to tear down. Thanks Nathan for trooping for that. And the random guy on the beach who offered to help!

Gavin loved the sand / beach / water / shobles!  He still talks about it every day. Mama, the beach! did you have fun at the beach? Shobles! Nemo! Fish swimming water! 

Day 2 we went to Orange Beach instead which was a little further from us but much nicer. There were flies all over the Gulf shores beach and I got bitten several times - which is why Holland is covered with a towel in one of the pictures. Day 2 is also when I put Gavin in a muscle tank instead of his rash guard and he got a little bit pink. So day 3 we wandered the cute little town of Fairhope, AL. 

While discovering Fairhope we walked out a long pier and noticed there was a little beach right on the bay, so Day 4 we went there instead. It saved probably 45 minutes of driving time and was still pretty good. The sand there was much coarser and there was a lot of debris from the bay washing ashore. But we could still build castles!

You can see Nathan and Gavin had the sweetest time. They really did bond a lot that week. Daddy time is so fun!

Later that night we tried to get a timed family photo. We all got squirted with bug spray (I use this one for the babies). I set my camera to timer and perched it on the stairs of our neighbors (who weren't at home). They have an epic dock btw.

It's not perfect, and not really in focus, but it's just right. And after only about 10 tries!  

On Safe Mornings

image from "She Reads Truth"

Mornings are really hectic for me. Even on the days that I try to have everything prepared the night before - i.e. last night - I still can't seem to get it all together in time and make it out the door by my goal of 7:20. Even when I am prepared the babies end up being difficult. Gavin is in this full-on whiny stage and we've done everything to try and nip that. Answering/Acknowledging him immediately, distractions, time-outs, spankings. He's still a 2 year old and maybe it's the new sibling thing but It Wears Me Out. Oh the whining. 

When it's 7:10 and he hasn't eaten breakfast and he's throwing a fit about what shirt to wear I lose it. I am sinful and dark and I lose it. And i become a 2 year old. I slam cabinet doors. I sharply respond to his needs. This morning I heard him start the typical whine "uhhhh, uhhhh" and I replied with WHAT GAVIN. And his eyes fell and his little chin quivered and I felt it. 

First the guilt. The weight of our sin. The I'm not a good mom. The I hurt my child. The how can I do this. The frustration with now I'm going to be even later.

So thankfully I felt something else next. The joy in my failings and shortcomings. Jesus is sufficient to bear my sin and has covered it. 

I hugged my son and asked him to forgive me. That mama was so sorry for shouting. Then I asked if he would pray with me. And he held my hand as I asked forgiveness and more patience and more tenderness and a clean heart.  And every morning is a challenge. That's just how it is right now. It's hectic and babies are unpredictable and sometimes Holland nurses forever and sometimes what I pick out to wear gets spit up on and I have to change and sometimes Gavin can't pick out a shirt or breakfast or he wants me to carry him downstairs and it's hard and it's frustrating and I feel torn between caring for my family in the way that they need and getting to work on time. And I want to quit and I want to slam doors.  But my constant prayer is a clean heart. And I know that God is helping and going to continue to help me. I'm never going to be perfectly patient but I can always fall at the feet of Jesus for forgiveness and He gives grace. And I can teach my children that there is the sweetest place and the most welcoming place for sinners like me. 

Stitch Fix Review II

I got my third (the second was not good at all) stitch fix box and it was so fun! They listened to my style pin board - helllllo stripes - and sent summer friendly clothes. So I had fun on Sunday while both - hear me - both babies napped.  hashtag weekend goals hashtag life goals. So, without further ado, here's what they sent.

First item up, a stripey tank. Which is great, cotton, navy/white, pocket with no real purpose. It's a great tank, but not one that I'm sure I am willing to spend that much on. 

headband: Anthropologie (similar),  jeans: Gap (similar), shoes: Target (found here

Next up is a fun little dress. It's comfy and breezy and definitely brighter than anything that I own but it's kind of boxy. Nathan liked it, but looking at pictures now, I don't know that it's flattering. And I'm not into the cut of the bottom half. I'd much rather have a straight hem. 

The necklace is also a Stitchfix. 

Shoes: Anthropologie (old) / hat: TJ MAXX (similar)

My favorite item was this great striped skirt. Every box the stylist sends a cute card showing suggestions for how to style your item. I took the advice of the card and added a chambray button down and some ankle boots. 

Chambray: Target (similar - in my dreams) / Boots: Target (similar)

lastly they sent this crochet tank. I honestly had no idea what to do with it. Even with the styling card I couldn't make it work. 

Tan tank: Old Navy (similar) / Maxi Skirt: Target (here) / Sandals: Target (link above)

So, in conclusion, I am thinking of keeping the skirt. And that's probably it. Then taking a Stitchfix hiatus for a while. It's fun, maybe again for fall.

Lately

Lately, I've been treasuring a lot of moments like this one. Gavin comes along to Holland "I cuddle baby sister!" lays on her with his whole giant toddler head and grins. Then he'll pat her a few times on the chest and be on about his trucks/trains/cars.

Lately, I've been really trying to read the Bible everyday. I started off strong with the whole chronological reading plan, but it's over halfway through the year and I'm in Numbers, so...

Lately, I've noticed my wardrobe shifting to neutrals: navy, black, white, and stripes. And nothing else. I feel so me.

Lately, I've been wearing a sunhat everywhere.

Lately, I've realized that as a mom the purse has become obsolete. Wallet in the diaper bag you go.

Lately, we've been watching Nemo and Mickey Mouse but then Thomas and Nemo and Nemo and Dude Crush!

Lately, I've been really proud and inspired by my husbands perseverance and determination to become healthier. While eating cookies...

Lately, I binge watched Hell on Wheels season 4. Am I the only person who watches this. The internet is all, "OITNB" and I really could care less. Give me Cullen Bohannon!

Lately, I've been anxiously watching a probably brown recluse bite heal. The internet makes it seem a lot worse than it was. Still, should we burn down the house?

Lately, I've been praying for a lot of babies. Why does the internet have to share such heartbreaking stories. This is one news avenue that I'd rather remain ignorant about. I have several friends with sick children. Actually sick children. And then the stories of unwanted babies. Seriously, bring me all the unwanted babies. I will love them all for you.

Lately, we've been missing Dillan. I tried taking the blanket out of his chair and Gavin lost it saying "No! Boof's chair! No mama!" but he didn't realize that there is not boof to go into the chair. We do miss him. 

It's funny how the more you write them things open up. Thanks internet for being my digital diary. You're special to me. 

We'll see you again

One week ago, we put Dillan to rest.

I know people usually say put to sleep, but for some reason, after having been through it, rest seems more appropriate. Rest implies peace and non-suffering. Anyone can sleep, but resting - that's rejuvenating. That's what Jesus offers to us. I told Dillan this. As we were waiting in a dimmed patient room at the vets on a soft blanket and I told Dillan he was going to meet God. But he probably already knew this. I told Dillan that Jesus is one day bringing back a new earth and that earth would not have cancer. No disease. No pain. But I think he already knew that too. He was ready.

It's probably silly, I mean, he's just a dog. But my soul needed to hear this truth. That the world is waiting to become new - to become what it always was meant to be. And that dogs exist there.

Little (big) Dillan. You are missed. Tater boof I think about you every morning when I don't have a dog to let out. Picodill I think about you every day when I open the door and you're not there to great us. Dragon Puppy I think about you every time we drop food on the floor and then have to clean it up ourselves. Deer Dog you'll never be replaced. Thanks for 3 really good years.

2 Years Old!

Gavin has been 2 years old for over a week! Our boy is so grown up.  Here are some photos from our weekend celebration. 

On Friday he stayed home from daycare with Mama and baby sister. We had his 2 year doctor appointment, lunch and cake with Dad, and play time with church friends! by the way, if the nurse asks you to hold him down when she's prepping your child for a shot, just tickle them. Gavin had no idea what happened. When we got home I distracted him with watching Wall-e while I pulled out his presents, balloons, and baked a pizza :)

On Saturday we slept in and then headed up to the train museum in Boling Green.  It was not very kid-friendly, but Gavin enjoyed the trains that kept passing on the other side of the fence and liked sitting in the drivers seats.

Gavin's favorites at 2 years old:

Favorite songs: ABC's, Twinkle Star, Bible (Jesus loves me), and whatever words Dad and I have made up for the KeyKey House (Mickey Mouse) theme song.

Favorite Shows: Wall-e, anything Mickey Mouse, Chuggington, Thomas the Train

Favorite Foods: Pizza, Sweet Potato Fries - or any fries, all fruit - especially berries, yogurt, cheese toast (grilled cheese), and Faffles (waffles).

Wears: size 2T and size 6 shoe

Favorite Toys: Blocks, ALL of his Thomas Trains, Wall-e and Eve plushies

Favorite Books: Dragons Love Tacos, Just One More, Giant Machines, Llama Llama Red Pajama

Favorite color: He will say blue

Can: Count to 13, build tall towers, run fast!, name all (well ya know) his colors, say please and thank you without much reminding from parents!

Mama and Dada are so proud of you little man! You are the best 2 year old boy we could hope for. We love you so much!

Dillan : An Update

One week ago Dillan went in for his follow up exam. The vet asked if we were interested in chemo - we aren't - so we talked about how to keep him comfortable for the next few weeks.

She put him on a steroid pill and recommended getting some wet food that would be easier to digest.  The steroid pills are meant to help with swelling and pain and they have made a huge difference. Dillan is eating, the edema in his legs is gone, and the lymph nodes on his neck have shrunk quite a bit. he even tried to run in the backyard the other day - only to realize that after he took about 5 gallops that he can't go anymore. Which is heartbreaking, but at least he's feeling well enough to try it.

The whole situation is heartbreaking. The medicine makes it seem like he's getting better - but he's not. Last Tuesday the vet said he has a few weeks. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers after last weeks post. He's a special puppy.