The sweatshirt of my life

Y'all, this sweatshirt is the story of my life.

After 25 weeks of having a baby I had 9 blissful nights of full 9 hours of sleep. I was elated. I was energized. I was inebriated...slightly... Because I thought, heck I can have a beer again!

Then we hit 6 months, and another growth spurt. Sigh. Then we went on a little thanksgiving vacation. Schedule shot. Then Gavin started daycare. World flipped upside down. So I'm getting up twice a night again and feel dizzy for the better part of my day. And I feel my life will never be the same.

And the truth is, it won't. For the next 10+ years maybe I'll be woken by my son. There will be months when he's independent. Then he'll move to a bed from which he can get in and out of. Then he'll experience his first bad dream, and I'll be the one who will make him feel safe. But, he won't need me forever. I certainly won't be able to hold him for much longer and the day will come when I can't kiss him at home, much less in public. 

So I'm trying to take it in. Savor tonight's like this one when it's 10:30 and he hasn't slept in 4 hours. But he's making that sweet face and talking to me up a storm. Nights like this one where I could have sworn it was only a little after 9. Relish that even though he was sitting with dad, all he wanted was to look at and go to his mama.

You guys, today I am so tired. I probably will be tomorrow too, and many days to come.  But I'm so grateful that these tired days are filled with this squishy chunky giggling boy. 

Sweatshirt from hello apparel. 

A copy Madewell

A few years ago, I discovered Madewell through another blog and instantly fell in love with their laid back looks. The style is so perfectly mine I instantly want everything in their lookbooks every season.

They're why I pulled out an old baseball tee and bought myself a baseball cap this summer.

They are certainly not the most expensive brand, but this gals always on a budget so I've never been able to own any of their awesome items. I instead, try to copy them as best I can. 

I tried this one a few weeks ago when I ran out of contacts and had my hair in a ponytail because my baby wasn't a good sleeper (we've only started making it 4+ hours at a time this last week).

 

What do you think? Probably just about how I am definitely not 5'-3" and most certainly as tall as that model right? ;)

Hello friends

Oh, hai everyone...

I haven't been here in a while. And it's certainly not because I haven't been thinking about you daily my dear blog.  It's that I'm still catching up to my new life.  Still adjusting to being a mom, and on top of that a full time working mom. And on top of that house searching, and child care searching, and remembering to spend a little time with husband and this poor neglected puppy.

Becoming a parent has got to be the most traumatic and dramatic change life can ever throw at you. Regardless of how "ready" you are, you're never fully prepared to actually die to yourself for this other being. Never fully aware of how self centered you (I) actually are (am) until your life actually does revolve around a 18 lb chunk of a boy.

I've so missed writing to you, sharing with you.  My heart drops a little when I see posts of projects, or when I see a blogger who's devoted to posting content regularly begin to gain followers. I'll think, "I want that."  I enjoy writing here. In the midst of the hardships of motherhood, my thoughts of this blog have been a friend, and I now realize that I should have shared with you much more often, not just for my sanity, but just in case someone out there in the internet world might be experiencing something similar.

So, here I am. I hope very much to talk to you soon and regularly. And for that new design I promised... It's around, and might come up sometime.

Also, one final note: happy two-years "Our Dog Dillan". sorry I missed your birthday.

Thanks for sticking around

A small goal

Last week "A Beautiful Mess" blog announced that they were having a sale on their e-courses so I jumped at the chance to buy their blog design and coding course. 

I've never really been happy with this little design here, but I've done a few different headers and occasionally changed something layout related, but overall I've always wanted some,thing more. I have a pretty good knowledge of Photoshop and illustrator and a little web coding knowledge so I know that I can get the look I want if I just take the time to invest in it. 

So I spent the $25 to learn a little, and to hope that spending a little money might make me more accountable to take the time to work on this little blogs design. 

Right now I'm in Step 1, which I like to call "pin all the pretty things". I think if you check out the pin board you'll find that I have a special liking for Kelly green and nature photos. 

Anyway, my second blogiversary is coming up in a few weeks so I'm going to see if I can maybe launch a new design around then.

Then, I really want to take blogging more seriously, start some weekly series I'm already scheming about and maybe start advertising and growing some readers. The whole thing makes me feel giddy, which I think means I should most definitely do it!

Yay! 

My Daily Project

I know it's a cliche, but time is going by really quickly.  Gavin learns new things and develops so fast that I can't keep track. 

When did he first coo?

When did he first smile at me?

For whatever reason, these developments have become very special to me, and I want to keep track. 

Before baby corner became baby corner, it was Michelle's corner. I had a little office set up complete with wall calendar. As baby corner developed, I left the calendar on the wall, knowing that I'd think of some use for it. 

So a couple of weeks ago, I decided to really devote myself to keeping track of those memories and started writing down a memory from each day.  It doesn't have to be anything monumental. Sometimes it's "we had a great conversation tonight" or "you were so fussy tonight!". Sometimes it's "you laughed for the first time at dad!" or "you kicked in the bathtub!"

It's my own way of "slowing" time. But also, of seeing growth. It's become one of my favorite parts of the day. I'll put you down to sleep and immediately start deciding on what to put down as our memory for the day. 

I don't know how long I'll keep it up, hopefully for a while. Even on nights (such as the last one) when Gavin doesn't want to take that last nap, or when it seems like all I do is nurse him for the last 3 hours of my day, the 20 seconds it takes write a memory centers me. It brings me back to how rewarding and refining being a parent really is. 

In my defense...

"In your defense, you had a lot going on."

This is what my mom told me after I emoji cried via text message to her the other day over not taking any photos of Nathan, Gavin, and myself all together at the hospital the day Gavin was born.

I'd just seen a beautiful new family of 3 photo over Facebook, which made me think, "hey, wait a second! I didn't think to do that!" Even after reading and pinning various "don't forget to do these things" posts, I neglected to capture that moment. That moment where we became three.

There are photos of me with the new mom exhaustion look, and Nathan with the new dad elation look. And I know I should be happy to have caught at least that. I know we're a family. And I'll never forget our first minutes in the OR where we became parents. Nathan was so proud that he was "blowing bubbles already" and I was so relieved he was crying so strong and so loud. And words will never describe my feeling when they laid him on my chest and he instantly went silent, recognizing my heartbeat.

The good news is there's still time. We can still capture the three of us. 

We are a family.

whether there's proof or not.

Ready to Change

I know I shouldn't talk about it.

No one wants to read about politics and wars when they're used to seeing squishy baby photos.

But I can't help put feel pulled to the biggest topic at hand.

Syria.  To war or not? Or does anyone else realize that this would be a war?

That's the thing. I don't know. Would America's role be warlike? Would there be soldiers? How many? on the ground or in the air? Does it matter?

All of these questions and I feel like I can't find the answers. Newscasters and public figures are asking me to call my representatives and make sure they know we don't want any part of it. Activists and humanitarians telling me it's my duty to protect the innocent.

I'm sort of the pacifist of my family. I'm not a gun rights supporter, but I'm certainly not anti-gun.  I think that God has said over and over that he alone serves justice and vengeance, so perhaps I never should...

But I'm tired of being uninformed. I'm tired of being told what my stance should be, and furthermore, being scrutinized for it. 

So this is my answer. I'm neutral for the moment. But I may not be for long. The internet is immediately available, as are notable resources. I can make an informed decision, and so can you.

I guess what I'm saying is that we are a generation that can make a difference. Missing persons are found through social media. We ban together for a good cause. We can learn anything and try everything we want to. Why not use our time to create. Why not use our time to educate and inform.

I'm not great at this. I have been watching Breaking Bad on netflix for the past 2 weeks (that walter white is cray...) But I want to know. I don't want to shrug anymore. I don't want to let anyone decide for me. I have no intention of blabbing to the world my opinions just for recognition and debate. This is strictly personal.

I just wanted to share that I've had a bit of a change of heart.

I feel lazy, and even justified in that laziness because heck, I work all day and then nurse a baby for basically 2 straight hours and then it's time to clean and pack lunch and pack the diaper bag and shower and actually take advantage of the next (probably 4 hours) before I wake up again by sleeping for a bit. But as I was listening to npr (old person alert) this morning, I realized that I couldn't take a side because I don't have the information. 

I want the information.

So yeah. thanks little internet nook of mine. always the sounding board that you are.

Milestone #3

From what I've read, babies develop along a series of "milestones". A list of baby's first and thus a list of things for parents to worry about.

According to "baby connect" the first of these is being born. Check. Gold star.

The second is smiles. Gavin smiled in his sleep very early on, but his first legitimate small was recorded around 8 weeks. Since then he hasn't held any back and they are usually accompanied by a long conversation full of oooos aohhhhs and agooos.

The third milestone I added myself. Laughter. C'mon parents, these smiles are great, and these conversations are so sweet to my soul. Literally full of all the good things in life leaving me in a big puddle on the floor kind of thing.  But laughter. Laughter is when we really start talking. When I know that not only am I interesting, but gosh I'm funny! 

It's hard to commit to when baby makes these milestones. Part of me thinks, is it a fluke? Maybe I should wait a while just to be sure. But I'm not gonna let it get reduced to my own control and insecurity. 

Gavin laughed. Somehow, for some reason he thought that dad and I were funny during bath time. We were just talking to him. Telling him about how great baths are, because he usually disagrees, and suddenly this joyous sound erupted out of him. 

"Was that a laugh little man?" We both exclaimed! Yes, I think it was.

So here's to you milestone #3. We love you and can't wait to hear more.