Wednesday, December 4, 2013

The sweatshirt of my life

Y'all, this sweatshirt is the story of my life.

After 25 weeks of having a baby I had 9 blissful nights of full 9 hours of sleep. I was elated. I was energized. I was inebriated...slightly... Because I thought, heck I can have a beer again!

Then we hit 6 months, and another growth spurt. Sigh. Then we went on a little thanksgiving vacation. Schedule shot. Then Gavin started daycare. World flipped upside down. So I'm getting up twice a night again and feel dizzy for the better part of my day. And I feel my life will never be the same.

And the truth is, it won't. For the next 10+ years maybe I'll be woken by my son. There will be months when he's independent. Then he'll move to a bed from which he can get in and out of. Then he'll experience his first bad dream, and I'll be the one who will make him feel safe. But, he won't need me forever. I certainly won't be able to hold him for much longer and the day will come when I can't kiss him at home, much less in public. 

So I'm trying to take it in. Savor tonight's like this one when it's 10:30 and he hasn't slept in 4 hours. But he's making that sweet face and talking to me up a storm. Nights like this one where I could have sworn it was only a little after 9. Relish that even though he was sitting with dad, all he wanted was to look at and go to his mama.

You guys, today I am so tired. I probably will be tomorrow too, and many days to come.  But I'm so grateful that these tired days are filled with this squishy chunky giggling boy. 

Sweatshirt from hello apparel. 

Friday, November 22, 2013

A copy Madewell

A few years ago, I discovered Madewell through another blog and instantly fell in love with their laid back looks. The style is so perfectly mine I instantly want everything in their lookbooks every season.

They're why I pulled out an old baseball tee and bought myself a baseball cap this summer.

They are certainly not the most expensive brand, but this gals always on a budget so I've never been able to own any of their awesome items. I instead, try to copy them as best I can. 

I tried this one a few weeks ago when I ran out of contacts and had my hair in a ponytail because my baby wasn't a good sleeper (we've only started making it 4+ hours at a time this last week).

What do you think? Probably just about how I am definitely not 5'-3" and most certainly as tall as that model right? ;)

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Hello friends

Oh, hai everyone...

I haven't been here in a while. And it's certainly not because I haven't been thinking about you daily my dear blog.  It's that I'm still catching up to my new life.  Still adjusting to being a mom, and on top of that a full time working mom. And on top of that house searching, and child care searching, and remembering to spend a little time with husband and this poor neglected puppy.

Becoming a parent has got to be the most traumatic and dramatic change life can ever throw at you. Regardless of how "ready" you are, you're never fully prepared to actually die to yourself for this other being. Never fully aware of how self centered you (I) actually are (am) until your life actually does revolve around a 18 lb chunk of a boy.

I've so missed writing to you, sharing with you.  My heart drops a little when I see posts of projects, or when I see a blogger who's devoted to posting content regularly begin to gain followers. I'll think, "I want that."  I enjoy writing here. In the midst of the hardships of motherhood, my thoughts of this blog have been a friend, and I now realize that I should have shared with you much more often, not just for my sanity, but just in case someone out there in the internet world might be experiencing something similar.

So, here I am. I hope very much to talk to you soon and regularly. And for that new design I promised... It's around, and might come up sometime.

Also, one final note: happy two-years "Our Dog Dillan". sorry I missed your birthday.

Thanks for sticking around

Monday, September 30, 2013

A small goal

Last week "A Beautiful Mess" blog announced that they were having a sale on their e-courses so I jumped at the chance to buy their blog design and coding course. 

I've never really been happy with this little design here, but I've done a few different headers and occasionally changed something layout related, but overall I've always wanted some,thing more. I have a pretty good knowledge of Photoshop and illustrator and a little web coding knowledge so I know that I can get the look I want if I just take the time to invest in it. 

So I spent the $25 to learn a little, and to hope that spending a little money might make me more accountable to take the time to work on this little blogs design. 

Right now I'm in Step 1, which I like to call "pin all the pretty things". I think if you check out the pin board you'll find that I have a special liking for Kelly green and nature photos. 

Anyway, my second blogiversary is coming up in a few weeks so I'm going to see if I can maybe launch a new design around then.

Then, I really want to take blogging more seriously, start some weekly series I'm already scheming about and maybe start advertising and growing some readers. The whole thing makes me feel giddy, which I think means I should most definitely do it!


Wednesday, September 18, 2013

My Daily Project

I know it's a cliche, but time is going by really quickly.  Gavin learns new things and develops so fast that I can't keep track. 

When did he first coo?

When did he first smile at me?

For whatever reason, these developments have become very special to me, and I want to keep track. 

Before baby corner became baby corner, it was Michelle's corner. I had a little office set up complete with wall calendar. As baby corner developed, I left the calendar on the wall, knowing that I'd think of some use for it. 

So a couple of weeks ago, I decided to really devote myself to keeping track of those memories and started writing down a memory from each day.  It doesn't have to be anything monumental. Sometimes it's "we had a great conversation tonight" or "you were so fussy tonight!". Sometimes it's "you laughed for the first time at dad!" or "you kicked in the bathtub!"

It's my own way of "slowing" time. But also, of seeing growth. It's become one of my favorite parts of the day. I'll put you down to sleep and immediately start deciding on what to put down as our memory for the day. 

I don't know how long I'll keep it up, hopefully for a while. Even on nights (such as the last one) when Gavin doesn't want to take that last nap, or when it seems like all I do is nurse him for the last 3 hours of my day, the 20 seconds it takes write a memory centers me. It brings me back to how rewarding and refining being a parent really is. 

Monday, September 16, 2013

In my defense...

"In your defense, you had a lot going on."

This is what my mom told me after I emoji cried via text message to her the other day over not taking any photos of Nathan, Gavin, and myself all together at the hospital the day Gavin was born.

I'd just seen a beautiful new family of 3 photo over Facebook, which made me think, "hey, wait a second! I didn't think to do that!" Even after reading and pinning various "don't forget to do these things" posts, I neglected to capture that moment. That moment where we became three.

There are photos of me with the new mom exhaustion look, and Nathan with the new dad elation look. And I know I should be happy to have caught at least that. I know we're a family. And I'll never forget our first minutes in the OR where we became parents. Nathan was so proud that he was "blowing bubbles already" and I was so relieved he was crying so strong and so loud. And words will never describe my feeling when they laid him on my chest and he instantly went silent, recognizing my heartbeat.

The good news is there's still time. We can still capture the three of us. 

We are a family.

whether there's proof or not.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Ready to Change

I know I shouldn't talk about it.

No one wants to read about politics and wars when they're used to seeing squishy baby photos.

But I can't help put feel pulled to the biggest topic at hand.

Syria.  To war or not? Or does anyone else realize that this would be a war?

That's the thing. I don't know. Would America's role be warlike? Would there be soldiers? How many? on the ground or in the air? Does it matter?

All of these questions and I feel like I can't find the answers. Newscasters and public figures are asking me to call my representatives and make sure they know we don't want any part of it. Activists and humanitarians telling me it's my duty to protect the innocent.

I'm sort of the pacifist of my family. I'm not a gun rights supporter, but I'm certainly not anti-gun.  I think that God has said over and over that he alone serves justice and vengeance, so perhaps I never should...

But I'm tired of being uninformed. I'm tired of being told what my stance should be, and furthermore, being scrutinized for it. 

So this is my answer. I'm neutral for the moment. But I may not be for long. The internet is immediately available, as are notable resources. I can make an informed decision, and so can you.

I guess what I'm saying is that we are a generation that can make a difference. Missing persons are found through social media. We ban together for a good cause. We can learn anything and try everything we want to. Why not use our time to create. Why not use our time to educate and inform.

I'm not great at this. I have been watching Breaking Bad on netflix for the past 2 weeks (that walter white is cray...) But I want to know. I don't want to shrug anymore. I don't want to let anyone decide for me. I have no intention of blabbing to the world my opinions just for recognition and debate. This is strictly personal.

I just wanted to share that I've had a bit of a change of heart.

I feel lazy, and even justified in that laziness because heck, I work all day and then nurse a baby for basically 2 straight hours and then it's time to clean and pack lunch and pack the diaper bag and shower and actually take advantage of the next (probably 4 hours) before I wake up again by sleeping for a bit. But as I was listening to npr (old person alert) this morning, I realized that I couldn't take a side because I don't have the information. 

I want the information.

So yeah. thanks little internet nook of mine. always the sounding board that you are.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Milestone #3

From what I've read, babies develop along a series of "milestones". A list of baby's first and thus a list of things for parents to worry about.

According to "baby connect" the first of these is being born. Check. Gold star.

The second is smiles. Gavin smiled in his sleep very early on, but his first legitimate small was recorded around 8 weeks. Since then he hasn't held any back and they are usually accompanied by a long conversation full of oooos aohhhhs and agooos.

The third milestone I added myself. Laughter. C'mon parents, these smiles are great, and these conversations are so sweet to my soul. Literally full of all the good things in life leaving me in a big puddle on the floor kind of thing.  But laughter. Laughter is when we really start talking. When I know that not only am I interesting, but gosh I'm funny! 

It's hard to commit to when baby makes these milestones. Part of me thinks, is it a fluke? Maybe I should wait a while just to be sure. But I'm not gonna let it get reduced to my own control and insecurity. 

Gavin laughed. Somehow, for some reason he thought that dad and I were funny during bath time. We were just talking to him. Telling him about how great baths are, because he usually disagrees, and suddenly this joyous sound erupted out of him. 

"Was that a laugh little man?" We both exclaimed! Yes, I think it was.

So here's to you milestone #3. We love you and can't wait to hear more.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Dear Gavin,

Baby boy, you are 8 weeks old today.  It takes me by complete surprise when I look down at you and see how much you've grown in just 2 short months. Sometimes I find myself looking through all our photos of you and lingering on your newborn ones the most. I guess I've earned my "real mom" status because you are growing up too fast!

But I am simultaneously so excited to keep discovering the man you'll become. Some people can name personalities in their baby as soon as they're here, but I think you're keeping it hidden. You can play on your own, and must be very patient as your rookie parents try to figure this out.

So thanks for being patient little Gavin. You are so loved.

Friday, July 12, 2013

I met Maddie

Because I spend quite a bit of time refining my tumblr page with reblogs from people who have far better taste than I do, I've known about "Maddie on Things" for a while now.

If you don't know of Maddie, she is a charming coonhound, who was adopted by Theron, and now earns her greenies by being extremely well balanced and having way more self control than Dillan ever could.

I follow Theron (@thiswildidea) on instagram and was really excited when I saw an announcement there that he and Maddie would be at Parnassus Books, I really had to go see her for myself.

When I arrived, the place was packed out, but I snuck into line where I purchased their perfect coffee table book with some birthday money, and waited in a looong line to meet Theron and Maddie.

Maddie scampered back and forth throughout the shop, not really wanting anything to do with most people, or would take a break in a leather chair. I did get a sweeping backstroke in as she trotted by at one point!

When I finally got to the signing table, I had no idea what to say... My inner dialog said something like this,

"Um Hi, would you sign your book...?"

Thankfully, Theron saved me from such inevitable awkwardness by asking my name and where I'm at in life. - what a great line!

Luckily, little Gavi gave me a perfect answer, "Well I just became a mom".

I then sheepishly brought up Dillan (like every other dog owner in the store) and dug out the ole' phone to show a picture of my beloved dog (yes, we still love you dillan!) Then we awkward posed!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Holy Cow, 7 weeks!

I can't believe little man is 7 weeks old today!

I've tried to keep up with taking a photo of him every week to keep track of his growth - but I think I've missed a few times.

Anywho - here's what I've got so far!

Ahh! so little!! Technicially this is when we left the hospital so he was really about 3 days old, but this is at his teeny tiniest!

Wearing shorts! 3 weeks old! Still in tiny newborn onesies, but that belly was starting to fill out :)

4 weeks old! Gettin super active exercise time.

5 weeks! We graduated to 0-3 month onesies and went outside to celebreate. Just a great face! He loved laying outside that day.

And 7 weeks old today buddy! We got those terrible 2 month vaccinations, and buddy boy has been feeling it ever since. In - con - sol - a - ble. But he looked great and was following those growth charts to a "T".

If you want to follow along weekly, follow my instagram @mpmerrick and hashtag project #weeklygavin

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Your Heart will Rejoice

When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.
So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.

John 16: 21-22

I cannot say how much these verses meant to me as I sat in church around 6 months pregnant, still terrified of becoming a mother. Joy. You might remember, I challenged myself at the first of 2013 to choose joy for so many reasons. 

These words comforted me throughout the rest of my pregnancy, and I was reciting them to myself throughout the delivery process (which was a process indeed).

I am a high - risk pregnancy.  From the beginning, I knew that I would have to be induced early so that the doctors could time my labor with my going off blood thinners. So at 12 am on May 21st, Nathan and I went into the hospital 10 days before my due date (June 1st) to go into labor. My doctor had been concerned about my (TMI warning) unfavorable cervix, so I started out on cytotec and went to sleep around 1:30 am.  A few hours later the nurses woke me up because I'd gone into labor naturally, much to my relief.

Again, a few hours labor, with very little progression, I was put on pitocin, and eventually had my water broken. Not long after, the contractions intensified, and at the insistence of my high risk doctor, I had an epidural. 

The day progressed, but I did not. We went through lots of rolling back and forth onto different sides as my epidural kept going away on my left side. My contraction sensor went bad and was telling the nurse I was having contractions of about 12 intensity when they were really around 80.  Baby started to give us scares with d-cells and variables in his heart rate. Looking back at texts I was sending friends with messages such as,

"still no baby"

"Only 2 cm"

I should have known that things weren't going too well.  By 6 pm, I was only 4ish cm, but stubbornly insistent on going natural.  

At 2am (after 24ish hours of labor) I hadn't gotten any further and we chose to have a c-section. I was exhausted, baby was exhausted, and all in all my body just wasn't ready to give birth.

Nathan texted our parents and my mom later told me that at about 2:45 she felt an overwhelming peace - instead of the fear that something will happen to your child - a fear that as a new mom I am familiar with.

Gavin James was born at 2:52 am. After such an ordeal, something that Jesus understands as "sorrow" and "anguish" was immediately replaced with joy. A joy and a love that only another mother can understand. A joy that cannot be taken from me.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Right now.

Right now I'm sitting on my couch with a dozing baby on my chest.

Right now I'm staring at a blue tv screen because our Apple TV shut down and I don't want to move to reach the remote.

Right now I'm typing this on my iPad and I'm anxious to see what the heck this post will look like when I hit publish.

Right now I'm realizing that my husband and I have an apple problem...

Right now I'm exhausted.

Right now I wouldn't rather be anywhere else.

Right now I'm debating rather to wake this boy up for our nightly bath time ritual, but he's been so sleepy lately.

Right now I'm realizing that one day he won't fit so perfectly into my chest and from what everyone says that day will be here before I know it.

But right now I'm not thinking anymore about that.

Right now I'm smelling what I like to call his old man head because his hair is long all around the sides but he's sort of bald on top.

Right now his arm is twitching against my side and his legs are tucked up like a little frog. 

Right now I'm thinking about the cherry lambic in the fridge and wondering when I'm going to get to taste it, and if it tastes like Jeni's.

Right now I'm going to close my eyes, baths can always come later.  

Friday, June 28, 2013

I'm still here

Hey! Time flies by doesn't it. Especially when most of your day is taken by naps, nursing, bouncing, and more naps.

But I am still here.  I am still thinking about this blog daily and one day, hopefully very soon, I'll kick back into gear and post daily and maybe even give this space a little facelift!

Oh yeah, the point of all this is to get you to go over to Bloglovin and follow along over there. Why? Because Google Reader shuts down on Monday! This has been a long time coming, but I kind of just realized that it's happening in a few days, and I'd love for you all to keep reading :)

If you want, there are many other ways to follow along in our daily life (at least until I start posting about it).

Find us on Instagram @mpmerrick

Find me on twitter @MichelleMerrick

Find some lovely reblogs on Tumblr @ A Green Season

And follow my riveting Pinterest Boards including one about ice cream and one about puppies.

In the mean time, I am going to go make some coffee and maybe make these cookies because I have been overcome by a serious sweet tooth.

What are your weekend plans?

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Absence and some Photos

Oh bloggity blog, how I have missed you. The saying goes that absence makes the heart go fonder and in the case of writing here it is 100% true.  I think about starting up writing, and posts, and photos, and things to share daily, and then I don't do it.  

Don't get me wrong, I love soaking up my new son and figuring out how to manage chores and get back to my real job.  so I can't say that I regret how I've used my time away from posting regularly.  But today is the day!  The one where I decide to take action instead of finding yet another new tv series to watch on Netflix.

So, before divulging into motherhood and how it's changed my life forever, I want to share our "maternity" family photos, taken by the wonderful Emily Sill.

My initial thought for taking adorable photos was to share a bowl of Jeni's, but the line was epic long so we skipped over to the park where we found amazing light and scenery. I love all of the photos taken, but now can't stop gushing on the cuteness of what was growing inside me when these were taken.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Current Preggo Thoughts

There's basically an app for everything.

So how could I resist downloading "baby center's" preggo app that tells me exactly whats growing when and where, gives daily tips, has weekly terrifying birthing videos that I refuse to watch, and tells me all the ways that I am failing as a proper pregnant lady.

"Eat vegetables" it tells me.  I have a bowl of cereal.

"Count your kicks" it says.  I push a foot back into place.

"Write down a pregnancy memory" it suggests.  I roll my eyes.

But because it's past my bedtime, and because tomorrow's Friday, here are my current thoughts on pregnancy...

1.) nesting. I don't think it's really happened to me yet and I'm not sure that it will.  Yeah I like pulling cute little onesies out of the dryer, but I think I'm doing these things more out of obligation.  I think that's just my feelings on laundry in general.

2.) It's hot. I sweat in the movie theater.

3.) Dear everyone who keeps telling me I'm too small...I'm not. Perhaps I just need to wear an "I've gained 30 pounds and still have a month to go" sign around my neck...

4.) I'm tired, not sleepy.

5.) My favorite place is a hot shower.

6.) My feet don't fit in any shoes, luckily, it's sandal weather just in time.

7.) My husband did some dishes last night. He's my hero.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Little Shoes for Little Buddy

Over the weekend I gave into my preggo cravings and crossed the street to the local Shipley's donuts. Here I bought a half dozen, carefully choosing two for the husband, went home and immediately poured out some coffee fresh out of the press and proceeded to eat all four donuts...and an orange.

While eating said donuts, I stitched up something for the little buddy.  Some felt baby shoes!

I "pinned" the tutorial a couple of years ago intending to make some for niece kaitlyn. Now that she is almost 2 I found it about darn time to try these out.  The tutorial is from The Purl Bee and every tutorial that they do is enchanting and beyond my skillset as a knitter, but I love looking at them just the same.

They took most of the morning. Cutting and pinning the felt was really easy. I'd guess that in total the little project maybe took 2-3 hours, but I took lots of breaks and was very distracted by season 3 of Parenthood on Hulu.

I've got another pair in the works for my niece who arrived on Tuesday! But I think I will wait to give them to her until I can put them on her precious little feet myself!

Monday, April 15, 2013

Blanket for a Baby

No, not my baby, but a sweet baby girl who is actually due today! I cannot wait to see her little face and hopefully meet her very soon :)

I made her big sister a baby blanket for her arrival (although the blanket ended up being a Christmas gift about 5 months late) so I knew I wanted to make one for my new little niece too.  I decided to try and copy the "super easy baby blanket" by purl bee and choose some super chunky yarn in colors chosen for new baby by my sister: purple and yellow.

I quickly realized that I did not have enough yarn.  I cast on around 120 stitches and it ended up making a blanket probably as wide as the crib.

After I figured out how much yarn I actually needed, the blanket didn't take too long to make.  I used the pattern k-2, p-2, k-2, p-2, etc. and then reversed the stitch on the next row.

I think it turned out pretty.

Little niece-poo may not be able to use it much over the summer, but it's very warm and heavy to keep her toasty when it gets cool again in the fall.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

What Do I Wear?

Today we are going to take family photos!  I'm so excited :)

However, because of my shopping hiatus my maternity wear wardrobe has been mostly things that I'm just lucky I can still squeeze into, and things that the awesome women from church are letting me borrow.

Nevertheless I've had a lot of trouble this week thinking about what to wear. I mean, this is probably the one time in my life that I am going to be exactly 33 weeks pregnant. I'm trying not to build it up too much in my brain and have too high of expectations, but Darn It! I want to look cute!

We have a plan to go to my favorite place on earth for some ice cream, and then take dillan over to the dog park.  So I was thinking I'd have a cute ice cream outfit and a cute casual park outfit.

So this morning, I did a little impromptu shoot to see which outfit I had in my head will turn out best.  To me there's a very clear winner, but I really want to hear what you think?

Which do you think? Any accessories to add? Any mixes?

Thanks for helping! leave a comment and let me know what you think, but nice comments only please! ;)

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Boy and I Sure are Growing

Even though the past 8 months have flown by, I feel like the change in my body has been gradual.  Well...that's a lie, in this moment I feel like the change in my body has been gradual. Tomorrow I might be standing in astonishment at the lack of a direct eyes to toes visual, but we'll let that live in tomorrow.

I haven't done a great job at keeping tabs on my growing baby belly, so I wanted to do a quick recap of some growth moments.

Here I think I was about 6 weeks pregnant. you guys didn't know! But you probably could see that I had started gaining... umm... elsewhere.

Our anniversary. 8 weeks pregnant I think. I didn't eat seafood on this glorious trip to Charleston.  All the more reason to go back!

About 12ish weeks preggo. I miss this skirt. 

20 weeks preggo!  I got a steak that night because as I recall I didn't get an appetite back until about that time.

24ish weeks.  Dillan photobombed. I like to think that someone noticed the bump that day because a lady told me I looked cute.

Gonna go ahead and guess about 25/26 weeks. 

Maybe one more week ahead at 27.  My mom wanted a belly picture. I think this is my favorite t-shirt of all time.

Easter photos. Dillan always has to check it out.  30 weeks.

And that my friends is the update. This Saturday I will be 33 weeks with baby boy expected in about 5 (I have to be induced around 38 weeks).  And we'll be taking some maternity photos! I'm so excited to document this time with the talented Emily Sill!  Hip Hip!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Spontaneous Date Night

Tuesday night, Nathan and I got free tickets to go see a Nashville Predators game! And we had so much fun.

Of course we started out with one of our favorite restaurants...

Yes, that is Five Guys.

Then we arrived just at the end of the first third (first third?). I'm obviously not super familiar with the vocabulary associated with the fine sport of hockey. Oh hey zamboni's!

As you can see, we had amazing seats. Just a few rows up (whatever number = K...) and were in between half - court? and the goal. 

And this is us, probably not too much before we got kiss-cammed.  Oh yes we did, the cherry on top of a super fun experience was we got to see ourselves up on the Jumbo-tron at which I think got super excited. We auto-turned and quick kissed and then only to have the camera stay on us for what felt like about 10 seconds. Which c'mon people is a very long time to be staring at yourself on a giant screen. 

I highly recommend a preds game for any Nashville locals or out - of - towners. Even though the home team lost, we had a great time. Even Nathan exclaimed a word ( Yeah!) of encouragement at an almost goal.

If I can I offer the following words of advice, just to prepare you.
1.  There are cheerleaders. I'm not sure why I wasn't expecting them, but there they are.
2.  At the last minute of every ... period? ... the announcer says (as is proper), "OONNNEEEE minute remaining".  to which the crowd sarcastically replies, "Thaaankkkssss Paul..."
3.  No one will do the wave with you.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Thoughts on Lent

This year, I think for the first time ever, I felt led to participate in the season of Lent. I can't really explain why. I don't even fully understand what Lent is and means. I grew up in an independent Baptist church and never even heard the word until about 11th grade when my Catholic friends started talking about giving up soft drinks or sugar or dessert.

Now I can make the connection a little better. Lent challenges us to fast. And we fast from something we really enjoy. And when we are tempted by whatever we are fasting from, we turn to Jesus and pray for self control and for Him to satisfy the desires and longings of our heart, in hopes that as he satisfies the longing for a cupcake, he will turn and take over the sinful desires as well.

I never understood why people gave up a food for Lent. I get that historically it connects to the whole Fat Tuesday binge, and more importantly and appropriately, Jesus fasting for 40 days. 

But I don't feel any sin when I eat. I don't think I lack self-control in this area. Plus, I can't exactly fast well while pregnant...

So, I tried to look at what is a temptation in my life and what is a sin that I know is a problem. Part of my post about joy was that I have this ideal of what I should have. How I should look, what my baby should wear and I want the things that I see in magazines, on television, in all my tumblr reblogs. It was causing my discontentment with everything that I've been so so blessed with.

I cannot emphasize that enough. 

Jesus is blessing our socks off and I don't appreciate it. I overlook it and stare beyond and all the other things that might make it just that much better.

See, there is a problem.

So I've fasted from shopping for 40 days. I've fasted opening emails from stores that would tempt me with shiny models, or perfectly made bedrooms. I've fasted from walking around Target, just to see what they have. And it's been stinking hard. I don't think I had a shopping problem to begin with, I don't financially overextend us to get anything.  But I want things more than what I already have.

Then last night, I exclaimed to Nathan that I'm going on a shopping spree today! on Easter! To celebrate the freedom in His Rising!

Not. (a cupcake would have been easier).

In a last sting, I made Lent about success. About finally accomplishing a goal and then rewarding ... myself ...

Shew. And then imagine my let down when I realize, hey, it's the end of the month and we have rent, student loans, doctor bills, car insurance, and a car payment to make. 

No shopping for Shell just yet. Thank you Jesus. (and that's meant to sound sincere, not like the southern lady exclaiming for a sweet tea on the fourth of july.)

Thank you Jesus. Lent is about You. Easter is about You. It is about your sacrifice of giving yourself willingly on the cross in place of me. It is about loving me so much that you not only endured the most brutal beating and mocking, but you marked me as innocent in front of our Father, and told Him that You were the sinner, and that I am perfect. It is about the world being dark for three days and then You rising from the dead and showing the world that you are alive! That you have defeated death and sin meaning we have life. It is about you ascending to heaven in front of witnesses so that they would proclaim to the world (and eventually to me) that all of this is truth. 

Thank you Jesus. 

This is what Lent is for. It is not so that on Easter I finally get to scratch the forty day itch. It's that because of Easter, I can celebrate the freedom to rejoice in all that I have. 

Monday, March 25, 2013

A Saturday Lunch Date

Nathan and I have been slammed the past two weeks. With a show two weeks ago in Johnson City, my traveling to Roanoke for a shower, and preparing for another performance last Friday night, not to mention all the other activities that just take up a lot of time, we haven't had very much couple time.

This is something I want to remedy immediately especially knowing we won't have much quality time together after little buddy gets here.

So, I asked if I could have my husband on Saturday. That's right, you weren't invited.  And when he asked what I wanted to do I knew exactly the answer. I'd been eyeing a particular "Scoutmob" deal for a while at the The Red Bicycle, which is a little coffee and crepe shop in Germantown. And the thought of a fluffy crepe just really got my pregnancy cravings going.

So we went. And as per usual what he ordered was better than mine. But it was still delicious and hit the spot on a spring weekend morning.

I'm such a sucker for some coffee art.

I got a carmel apple crepe, which tasted just like apple pie.  Nathan had a maple bacon crepe which was stuffed with bacon, apples, cheddar, and drizzled with maple syrup. Man oh man was it delicious.


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