Gavi's first snow!

This morning Gavin slept until a blissful 8:30 am. When he awoke, I went in, nursed, and set him down on the changing table to, well, you know, and I pulled open his shade so that he could see up at the sky.  When the shade lifted up I literally gasped.

Thick, chunky flakes of snow were falling and the ground had an even coating over it. The road had splotches of white and wet and I knew I had to get outside in it. It has seemed that there's been an excessive amount of snow across the country, everywhere but middle tennessee. Just a couple hours north, east, west and even south (I'm looking at you Atlanta) have had huge snowfalls by comparison.  And I've been a teensy bit jealous.

I zipped Gavin up in his bear suit, pj's and all, and set up my tripod outside. 

It was a total trial and error with the camera auto-focus and timer, hello focused fence posts, but it's documented. The chunk's unamused faces and all!

Then I tried to get a few of him tossed up in the air - because usually, he loves that. And I thought of man if I could capture the joy in those little squishy features I will have succeeded in life. But look at that face...

So unamused! Even out of focused he's just like, "Mom...Mom, calm yourself..."

So I stuck him in the snow and thought, now the magic will really happen. And it did.

Oh chunkums, you're such a great sport!

One day at a time

Yesterday, I challenged myself to write a blog post every day.  Yesterday, I claimed to miss this blog of mine and the opportunity it gives me to share thoughts and ideas.  But tonight, I realized it is 10 pm and all I want to do is curl up in bed with a whole bag of ginger snaps and watch some "Chuck" on netflix. This challenge may prove to be harder than anticipated. I already feel myself coming up with excuses somehow.  Things like, "I don't have photoshop so how can I edit pictures now?" or "my house is still an explosion of boxes, how can I share anything about that" and even "my life's not good enough to share"...

Sheesh. When it comes down to the honesty of that last statement, I realize the lies that Satan has been feeding me have really piled up.

I've started to believe that somehow, the home we've made isn't good enough to share... somehow my place and current phase of life are somehow worth less than others. That since my home is not a show house, and I don't have any time (or let's face it funds) to make it exactly how I want or "photo-worthy".

But, Jesus has already made me worthy.  He's already taken all of the "not good enoughs" and replaced them with perfection. My life is worth sharing because Jesus has redeemed it. Because He is what is worth anything.

Space

The past few weeks have been crazy for the Merricks.  We've bought a house, moved, unpacked (well, sort of), renovated, tore it out, re-renovated, battled illness, eaten out waaaaay too much.

We've felt crazy, we've felt out of control, we've felt a little lost.  Jobs have changed, hearts have changed, fears have changed.

It's been a time of reflection.

It's been a time of serious prayer.

And it got me thinking about this little space of mine.  How I've missed it. Not many come here to read, and even fewer "follow", but it's been my sounding board.  I know I've said it before but I have missed writing. I've missed writing about the mundane. About the weird position that Dillan has fallen asleep in, or about the weekly task of documenting Gavin's picture. 

A couple nights ago, Nathan set up my computer.  I have my own little space in our bedroom. A space where I can light a candle and shut myself out for a few minutes. So here I am.

I'm not great at making goals, and I'm even worse at meeting them. But, for the next 4 weeks, I'm challenging myself to write something. Anything. Just be here. Unplug and share something with you. 

The sweatshirt of my life

Y'all, this sweatshirt is the story of my life.

After 25 weeks of having a baby I had 9 blissful nights of full 9 hours of sleep. I was elated. I was energized. I was inebriated...slightly... Because I thought, heck I can have a beer again!

Then we hit 6 months, and another growth spurt. Sigh. Then we went on a little thanksgiving vacation. Schedule shot. Then Gavin started daycare. World flipped upside down. So I'm getting up twice a night again and feel dizzy for the better part of my day. And I feel my life will never be the same.

And the truth is, it won't. For the next 10+ years maybe I'll be woken by my son. There will be months when he's independent. Then he'll move to a bed from which he can get in and out of. Then he'll experience his first bad dream, and I'll be the one who will make him feel safe. But, he won't need me forever. I certainly won't be able to hold him for much longer and the day will come when I can't kiss him at home, much less in public. 

So I'm trying to take it in. Savor tonight's like this one when it's 10:30 and he hasn't slept in 4 hours. But he's making that sweet face and talking to me up a storm. Nights like this one where I could have sworn it was only a little after 9. Relish that even though he was sitting with dad, all he wanted was to look at and go to his mama.

You guys, today I am so tired. I probably will be tomorrow too, and many days to come.  But I'm so grateful that these tired days are filled with this squishy chunky giggling boy. 

Sweatshirt from hello apparel. 

A copy Madewell

A few years ago, I discovered Madewell through another blog and instantly fell in love with their laid back looks. The style is so perfectly mine I instantly want everything in their lookbooks every season.

They're why I pulled out an old baseball tee and bought myself a baseball cap this summer.

They are certainly not the most expensive brand, but this gals always on a budget so I've never been able to own any of their awesome items. I instead, try to copy them as best I can. 

I tried this one a few weeks ago when I ran out of contacts and had my hair in a ponytail because my baby wasn't a good sleeper (we've only started making it 4+ hours at a time this last week).

 

What do you think? Probably just about how I am definitely not 5'-3" and most certainly as tall as that model right? ;)

Hello friends

Oh, hai everyone...

I haven't been here in a while. And it's certainly not because I haven't been thinking about you daily my dear blog.  It's that I'm still catching up to my new life.  Still adjusting to being a mom, and on top of that a full time working mom. And on top of that house searching, and child care searching, and remembering to spend a little time with husband and this poor neglected puppy.

Becoming a parent has got to be the most traumatic and dramatic change life can ever throw at you. Regardless of how "ready" you are, you're never fully prepared to actually die to yourself for this other being. Never fully aware of how self centered you (I) actually are (am) until your life actually does revolve around a 18 lb chunk of a boy.

I've so missed writing to you, sharing with you.  My heart drops a little when I see posts of projects, or when I see a blogger who's devoted to posting content regularly begin to gain followers. I'll think, "I want that."  I enjoy writing here. In the midst of the hardships of motherhood, my thoughts of this blog have been a friend, and I now realize that I should have shared with you much more often, not just for my sanity, but just in case someone out there in the internet world might be experiencing something similar.

So, here I am. I hope very much to talk to you soon and regularly. And for that new design I promised... It's around, and might come up sometime.

Also, one final note: happy two-years "Our Dog Dillan". sorry I missed your birthday.

Thanks for sticking around

A small goal

Last week "A Beautiful Mess" blog announced that they were having a sale on their e-courses so I jumped at the chance to buy their blog design and coding course. 

I've never really been happy with this little design here, but I've done a few different headers and occasionally changed something layout related, but overall I've always wanted some,thing more. I have a pretty good knowledge of Photoshop and illustrator and a little web coding knowledge so I know that I can get the look I want if I just take the time to invest in it. 

So I spent the $25 to learn a little, and to hope that spending a little money might make me more accountable to take the time to work on this little blogs design. 

Right now I'm in Step 1, which I like to call "pin all the pretty things". I think if you check out the pin board you'll find that I have a special liking for Kelly green and nature photos. 

Anyway, my second blogiversary is coming up in a few weeks so I'm going to see if I can maybe launch a new design around then.

Then, I really want to take blogging more seriously, start some weekly series I'm already scheming about and maybe start advertising and growing some readers. The whole thing makes me feel giddy, which I think means I should most definitely do it!

Yay! 

My Daily Project

I know it's a cliche, but time is going by really quickly.  Gavin learns new things and develops so fast that I can't keep track. 

When did he first coo?

When did he first smile at me?

For whatever reason, these developments have become very special to me, and I want to keep track. 

Before baby corner became baby corner, it was Michelle's corner. I had a little office set up complete with wall calendar. As baby corner developed, I left the calendar on the wall, knowing that I'd think of some use for it. 

So a couple of weeks ago, I decided to really devote myself to keeping track of those memories and started writing down a memory from each day.  It doesn't have to be anything monumental. Sometimes it's "we had a great conversation tonight" or "you were so fussy tonight!". Sometimes it's "you laughed for the first time at dad!" or "you kicked in the bathtub!"

It's my own way of "slowing" time. But also, of seeing growth. It's become one of my favorite parts of the day. I'll put you down to sleep and immediately start deciding on what to put down as our memory for the day. 

I don't know how long I'll keep it up, hopefully for a while. Even on nights (such as the last one) when Gavin doesn't want to take that last nap, or when it seems like all I do is nurse him for the last 3 hours of my day, the 20 seconds it takes write a memory centers me. It brings me back to how rewarding and refining being a parent really is.