I choose Joy

Around the blog world, and the whole world, there's been a lot of resolve today. A day where we dream up the biggest and brightest ideas for how to change this year or how to improve this year. 

Friends, I need change, and I need improvement.

I spent my NYE in a dump, and most of this day in a dump. Our move to Nashville was, without a doubt, the best move for us, but it was a special night like this to make me miss everything I had in our old town. Namely, A group of friends who I knew were having a great time together, and I was here, with no one but a husband and a dog. 

Wait a second...

I am here with an amazing husband who loves me more everyday, reminds me that I am beautiful while my body is spiraling out of control, and constantly points me back to Christ.  I am here with a dog who has the best puppy eyes, loves to cuddle, and is a gal's best friend.

So why the heck am I down?

The answer is simple.  I am lonely. Despite meeting friends at work and church i haven't quite made it in there. Haven't quite connected yet.

The answer is easy.  I am scared. In 6 months (exactly) I will be a mom. I'll be a mom with debt. I'll be a mom with a small apartment. I'll be a mom who's never been a mom before. 

I'll be a mom with a husband to raise a child by her side. I'll be a mom with a roof over my head, air conditioning to keep the baby cool or warm, running water to keep baby clean.  I'll be a mom.

So this year, I choose to have Joy.

I choose to turn back to my blessings, to remind myself of all that I have when I deserve none of it. I choose to be thankful. 

I'm going to fail. I'm going to get low. I'm going to have days when all I want to do is think on everything I can't have. And I'm going to cry. But this year, I want to choose, in these moments, to be joyful for what I have.